Grateful

I have been staying up late at night reading the blogs of women going thru the adoption process, women losing unborn babies to congenital illness, women struggling thru SIDS loses and I can't help but cry for them and then tip toe into my own nursery of sleeping angels and just stare at them...I can't imagine not having them or even worse, having them and losing them.

Reading these women's fights, struggles, strength, faith and resolve has me feeling ever so grateful for what God has blessed me with- two healthy, stunning little girls that are growing by leaps and bounds and excelling at life.

I have been tossing and turning at night, wondering how these women are doing. Wondering how they find the strength to put one foot in front of the other. I have been wondering how they do it...It makes me think of how blessed we have been.

I am not sure how many of our friends and family members know this but Jason and I were not given good chances of conceiving on our own. We had been trying for a couple months and I had been off of birth control for some time. I was not getting back onto a "cycle" after the birth control so we went to be checked out. I had blood tests, medications to restart my "system", ultrasounds...the works. Lo and behold- I was fine. They threw in some tests for Jason just "for good measure" as our doctor put it. I am sure that she was just trying to ease our minds so she wouldn't have to see us again for a year or so but...Jason had some problems. I have not talked with him yet about how much to share but we were not given good odds and were told to get a specialist. We were also told to "keep trying naturally in the mean time" ...so, we kept at it and read every book we could. I started charting my cycles-- it really became a mission for us at that point.

In March of 2007, Jason lost his grandmother- Oma. We took an emergency flight to NC with his family and spent 10 days on the east coast taking care of arrangements, packing up her home (40+ years of memories and items), driving her ashes to Georgia for a burial service...it was a long 10 days. 10 days that just *happen* to fall into our prime time of the month to make a baby. We decided that March was going to be the month that we just let whatever happen, happen. I did not take my basal body thermometer to NC. We didn't do ovulation predictor kits. We didn't do any "special" things...whatever happened, happened.

We came home from NC and had an appointment with our specialist. We were told that Jason needed surgery but again, to keep trying on our own. Little did we know. About 10 days later, we got a BIG FAT POSITIVE on a home pregnancy test!!!

I remember looking at my half hearted attempt at my chart for the month and thinking "how on earth did this happen THIS month of all months"? I remember just *knowing* that my period was about to start. I also remember eating Chipotle tacos two times a day for three weeks! HA HA!!!

I called my doctor immediately and got an appointment at 6 weeks pregnant. I had my first ultrasound on May 1st at 8 weeks pregnant. I remember the doctor saying "do twins run in your family?" and I remember almost blacking out! HA HA! We were talking on our way to the ultrasound and I said "lets just pray that there is only one baby and its healthy!" HA HA! Deep down, we must have known because we kept talking about there being two or three babies in there the whole drive to the appointment.

The point of our journey and this story is that I am ever grateful that we were blessed with two babies. But, reading what some women endure makes me think about how strong there are. It makes me grateful for every single second I have with the twins. It makes me so thankful that we got two babies at once when we were told we would be lucky to get one.

Everytime they cry, I think of the women that will never get to hear their babies cry...and I am grateful. I rarely get upset or stressed with them anymore because I think of what some women would give up to have a fussy baby (or two). I don't get upset when they want to be held all day anymore because I think of the women that don't get to hold their babies. I am grateful for the cries, for the tears, for the 'hold me all day mommy' moments...I am grateful.